The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Lots of gay guys desire to find out from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

However, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue discover here a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Comments on “The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain”

Leave a Reply

Gravatar