The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on link the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel look at this site really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .

When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, link you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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