The Sensuality Catch, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to incredibly tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .

But when issues develop, those who fall under the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urban locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay men want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or find out here not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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